sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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