Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
