you thought your balls were fighting each other...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
