you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
