I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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