White coat. Heels.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
