so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
