she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
