I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
