he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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