She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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