He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
