I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
