I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
