Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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