i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Text me some of your sweat
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize