I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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