Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
