I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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