Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
