people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
