my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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