Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
