...so i touched it.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
