I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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