he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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