Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
