I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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