I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
