you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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