Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
