saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
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We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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