I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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