your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
