Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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