hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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