Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
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I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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