I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
