I love black thongs
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize