I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
