I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
two words: eviction party
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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