i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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