She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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