its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
