home. puking in laundry basket.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize