i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
