Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
