wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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