last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
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Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
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At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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