At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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