Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
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Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
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Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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