my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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