Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
