You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
