all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
