he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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