oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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