piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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