I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
