You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
is this the sara with the beer cane?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
