I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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