I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize