Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
