I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
