just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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